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It's that time of the year for Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys, American Music Awards, Grammys, Country Music, Screen Actors Guild, Directors Guild, MTV, Peabody, Soap Opera, Tonys, Writers Guild, TV Guide, People's Choice -- and those are just show business's annual backslapping events. We even have the Darwin Award for doing the most stupid things. We should give awards that really matter using today's standards: fake ones. Like these --

The Not-a-Chance Award -- to Michael Jackson for being the only male in the world not claiming to be the father of Anna Nichol Smith's baby.

The Hannibal Lecter -- to Congress for dis-membering former representative Mark Foley.

The Joan Rivers -- to Katie Couric whose face is getting so tight, her eyes have begun to slant.

The Rockefeller -- to Tom Cruise for buying his own studio because his old studio wouldn't give him a raise.

The Pipe Cleaner Award -- to Paris Hilton's legs.

The Picasso -- to Hillary Clinton for painting out the parts of her life that don't suit her in today's political climate.

The There's a Ferret on Your Head Award -- to the hair of 60 Minutes' Leslie Stahl.

The Dracula -- to Barack Obama for wearing shirts with loose collars that expose his slender neck so appealingly, you want to suck on it.

The W.C. Fields -- to Lindsay Lohan's special celeb in-house privileges which evacuated Wonderland Rehab of "ordinary" resident drunks.

The Jennifer Wilbanks -- to runaway brides who disengage from their fiances, and then sue them.

The Ashton Kutcher -- to younger men with older women who don't complain when the guy admits he never heard of the Beatles.

The Rodney Dangerfield -- to George W. Bush for getting no respect.

The Titanic Award -- To Mel Gibson's career

The Abu Ghraib -- to Jack Bauer for torturing terrorists so creatively that they formed a 24 Fan Club

The Ouchie -- to Harry Wittington, the guy Dick Cheney mistook for a quail and shot last February, for acting as though it didn't hurt.

The Plausible Deniability Award -- To John Kerry for claiming his vote in favor of the invasion of Iraq was as well directed as Vice President Cheney's bullet.

The Sigmund Freud -- to Kramer, who needs psychiatric help even more than Michael Jackson.

The Courtney Love -- jointly awarded to herself and Paula Abdul for following in each other's footsteps.

The Mike Tyson -- to Ryan O'Neal for the smackdown of his own son.

The Taxpayer Award -- to retired congressional reps who will continue to receive as much as 80 per cent of their salaries plus health and life insurance, also taxpayer subsidized, and that includes members of Congress convicted of a felony.

The Seabiscuit Award -- to Rocky Balboa for finally crossing the finish line.

The Jiffyhab -- to Britney Spears for her drive-thru pass at sobriety. Britney's speed feat beats out Lindsay Lohan's because Britney removed Kevin Federline first and all her hair second.

The Oddest Celeb Award -- to Barbara Walters for actually asking a Hamas suicide bomber in prison, "So you're saying all you want to do is kill Jews? Haven't you wanted to get married?" and topped that with her next question, "If you had succeeded in your suicide mission and been killed, where would you be today?"

And lastly: The I-Can't-Believe-Anyone-Could-Say-Such-a-Dumb-Thing Award to California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger for uttering the immortal words, "I think gay marriages should be between a man and a woman."

That completes our Awards for 2006 and remember what that anonymous pundit said about this column: "For people who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like."

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If you are looking to start a small business, consider the carpet cleaning business. This is one of the most affordable businesses to start. Many homes have carpeting, and carpets should be cleaned at least once a year. Sometimes people may have their carpets cleaned several times a year, depending on their lifestyle. If there are small children in the home, frequent spills make that necessary, and if there is a pet in the home, there are always a lot of stains to deal with as well. People who suffer from allergies also like to have their carpets cleaned frequently. The dust and dander that accumulate in carpet fibers can be an irritant that aggravates an allergy, even if the carpet is vacuumed frequently. A professional cleaning of the carpet will remove the particles that have been ground in.

If you want to start a carpet cleaning business, you can take different approaches. First of all, there are franchises in the field and they will offer you the opportunity to start a carpet cleaning business using their already established name. These franchises provide the new business with training, and guidance on running a business. When you buy a carpet cleaning franchise, you will be required to buy the carpet cleaning equipment from the main company, as well as any products that you use. If your carpet cleaning franchise becomes busy very quickly, the cost of the equipment will be recovered in no time.

If the idea of a franchise is not appealing to you, you can just strike out on your own. In this case, you should have some background or training in business management, since you will not be given the guidance that the franchise company can give you. If not. you can hire a manager who has this expertise. The main skill in this business is operating the carpet cleaning machine. but you really need to manage the administrative and marketing side of the business as well. If you are not successful in attracting customers to your business, your business will not survive, let alone thrive. Marketing is an essential component of this. Get the work out to the public about your new business by sponsoring a promotion of some kind, perhaps by offering a discount or offering a two rooms for one special, This is a business that can be very successful because of the demand, and you can have a lot of fun and make a good profit if you manage it well. You want to make sure that, if you are going to invest in a small business, you pick the one that has the best chance of succeeding.

About the Author

Andrew Caxton loves writing for http://www.home-decorating-reviews.com . He provides tips and advice about cleaning Berber carpets as well as on area rugs for a proper carpet cleaning


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posted by Bambi Cambell @ 3:10 PM